December 1, 2010


Mogenpianist has been on extended hiatus, replaced by Mogenmama. The following entry will update those who have not yet heard about the events of the past months.

With my 18-year-old son Kieran's heart surgery scheduled for October 14, September and the first half of October were completely devoted to preparation for that event. For both Kieran and me, the focus was on being as fit for this operation as we could possibly be, on all levels: physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. This preparation involved many things: medical appointments, alternative healthcare regimens, bodywork, energy work with extraordinary healers, eating wholesome, nutritious, home-cooked foods, juicing, talking, visualizing, reading, walking, and most importantly, spending lots of good quality time with each other. School(for Kieran) and practicing the piano(for me) took a back seat. The main thing was that we enter that surgery as prepared as possible.

The operation was a very long and tricky one, over nine hours. It went well, and Kieran's aeorta was repaired successfully. Kieran was a complete and utter super-hero in his attitude and approach to undergoing the surgery and recovering from it. Such strength and such grace.

After the surgery, as he was recovering steadily and beautifully, Kieran was clearly a changed man. The opening of his chest had apparently been the shift needed for him to release a lot of his frustrations, anger, and emotional pain. Always a very loving and compassionate young man, these traits were now even more evident as he seemed more peaceful and much more clear.

One cannot be sure of how and why these mysteries unfold, but as many of you know by now, Kieran experienced some difficulty with his heart on the morning of the thirteenth day of recovery from surgery and passed away suddenly on October 27, his sister's 16th birthday. The shock and horror of his passing has been immense for all of us who are close to him, as well as for many, many people with whom he had crossed paths. His gentle, loving spirit inspired many, and continues to do so in a big way.

As we grieve the loss of Kieran from this realm, I know that he is still very present here, although in a different "form". The emptiness we feel is vast, but the very clear feeling I have of his current joy, freedom, and expansion gives great comfort. Perhaps, just perhaps, the emotional and spiritual freedom that he felt after the surgery led to a need for his spirit to expand beyond the confines of his body. The gifts that he brought us continue to be evident, and I and the other members of Kieran's family dearly hope that these gifts of warmth, humour, compassion, and love will live on in the hearts and lives of all who knew him.

The outpouring of concern for us has been huge, and has really held and supported us. We celebrated his life with a beautiful service at St. James in Stratford on November 2nd. Donations have been flowing in generous amounts, and are being used to further celebrate Kieran's life and gifts through the commissioning of a work for choir. The choir that Kieran was a part of for nine years, the St. Mary's Children's Choir, was a very important community for Kieran, so the piece will be written for the F.Y.S. division of this organization.

Details of this project are coming together in a very exciting and thrilling way; a tribute of great magnitude! Kieran deserves nothing less than the miracles that are unfolding for this project. I urge you to follow the progress of this composition, and to become a part of this journey: please follow the new blog "Kieran's Song" at .

Many thanks for reading this, and for being a part of our circle.


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad


  1. I am of the belief that he was needed somewhere else, but not before he made your lives richer and more worthwhile.

    much love,

  2. I am so sorry for your loss. It is beautiful that a song is being composed to celebrate his all too short, but magnificent life. Thank you for the update, my thoughts are with you at this most difficult time.

    Amy Trottier
    aka @thefim and @hbombsmom

  3. Sandra -- thanks for this. I am both saddened and warmed to read and learn about Kieran, and the events you write so clearly about. I pray continuing healing for you and your daughter. Peace, Elem

  4. I have never met you but I think I may know where Kieran's strength and grace comes from. Thank you, Sandra, for sharing such an intimate story so intensely and personally. May Kieran's Song be a passionate tribute that lives on in the hearts and lives of all who knew him. My thoughts go out to you and all your family and friends...

  5. What a beautifully written piece, Sandra. Our thoughts continue to be with you, Siobhan and Kieran. Your courage and ability to find strength at this unbearable time are inspirational.

    Much love,

  6. Sandra,

    Once again I'm lost for appropriate words and this post was a tearful read. Thank you for finding the strength to write so graciously and so personally. At times like this it seems to me that it's only possible to be one's raw self---and to me the depth and compassion that you talk about comes through in your post too. May you continue to find strength in that.